erasing the definition?

The air is somber in my world this week. It seems like the enemy is taking extra measures to attack me and it's left me quite tired and unmotivated to do much of anything. Sadness seems to be the main emotion and my analytical side has emerged causing every strand in my brain to be consumed with worry. The more I try to put specific things out of my head, the more I allow them access to interfere with my days.

I've always wondered why I am unable to compartmentalize things. It seems like in my world, everything is connected...work is connected to money, money is connected to friendships, friendships are connected to the love life, the love life is connected to happiness and with all connections not aligning, instead of happiness, I am left with a sense of brokenness and confusion. Defeated and worrisome would actually be a good words to use!

I always wanted to be one of those people that never stressed about meaningless things but somehow I think I inherited the obsessive worry gene, haha...OK maybe not obsessive but there was definitely a transfer of the worry gene! So let's define that. I'll give you a few definitions to review...

Merriam-Webster Dictionary
WORRY: to feel or experience concern or anxiety OR mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)
WORRY: To feel or express undue care and anxiety; to manifest disquietude or pain; to be fretful; to chafe; as, the child worries; the horse worries.

WordNet 2.0 Dictionary
WORRY: a source of unhappiness

Chinese Dictionary
WORRY: 七上八下

OK, so I just threw the Chinese one in for kicks and giggles! But as you can see none of those definitions resemble happiness. In fact, they even use the word unhappiness in one of the dictionaries! arghhhh (sounds a lot meanier coming out of my mouth).

I don't want to be one of these definitions! I don't want to be defeated by the enemy! I don't want to be placed in the worrier category! That's not too selfish is it?

Instead I want to think like this...

There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
Beyond all grief which leads to joy
And a fragility
Out of which depth emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
Too vast for words
Through which we pass with each loss,
Out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
Whose serrated edges cut the heart
As we break open
To the place inside which is unbreakable
And whole.

God give me the strength to be unbreakable. Help me to understand that Hope floats . . . and I am Unsinkable!

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”~Jeremiah 29:11