Butterfly Sparks Designs

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Yep...my eyes wish to be closed!

Sleepy...
Worn out...
Tired...
Exhausted...
Dreams..
Naps...

Oh I can't wait to sleep!

the end:)

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Escape

There is something I want to say
But my words they just get in the way
There’s a passion deep within my soul
Cries out for more.
There’s a battle that I don’t want to fight
Keeps me awake all through the night
Between who I am and who I should be
My mind contains a war.

I am crying out for something to go down
Cause this confusion I feel is throwing me around
Is there somewhere I can go, somewhere I can run?
Some where I go to escape my mind
Is there somewhere I can go, somewhere I can run?
Somewhere I can go…

I start my day, I’m late again
I race another clock, will it every end
I can’t keep up where falling behind there’s never any time.
As one task ends, two more begin
They’re piling up and closing us in
To live like were free just once in a while
Is that such a crime?

And we’re crying out for something to go down
Cause this confusion we feel is throwing me around
Is there somewhere we can go, somewhere we can run?
Some where we go to escape in time
Is there somewhere we can go, somewhere we can run?
Somewhere we can go to escape this life…

Monday, April 28, 2008

Theatre Weekend...

I saw two of the best shows this weekend!

Oh I just can't wait to KING...
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5 hundred, 25 thousand, 600 minutes...

Who needs New York:)

Sunday, April 27, 2008

*86* the fries

Now, I'm not too sure how many of my Chiliheads read my blog but I wanted to share this with all of them because hearing it made my heart resort back to the days of serving fajitas. The frustration of having 5 guac boats in the window but needing a SC boat to sell the Mushjack on the line. Oh and who could forget yelling for runners but somehow the were all magically too busy.

There are so many memories of getting mad when you were assigned section M and making rude comments when to the hostess didn't "seat" you properly. Or how about when the screen was flashing red all the way across and you couldn't send out the food because you're were missing a Buff Sal w/ no crumbles!

There's all the Chili's lingo that you must know to fit in and of course you never forget...86 the CR, CKN Sand 86 HM, T add R...haha I could go on and on! Anyway to all my favorite ECU Chiliheads, miss you like crazy and this one's for you..

Droppin Fries

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Talk of the town!

I'm about the read the book that everyone has been talking about and I must say that I am extremely excited about it! I've heard great things and negative things, so I'm ready to find out for myself...not to persuade you but I think you should read it to!!!!

What book am I talking about you ask?

...well "THE SHACK" of course!
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So go get it, read it and then we can have a little book review :)

Friday, April 25, 2008

Officially official

Oh my gosh...Oh my gosh...Oh my gosh!

I can hardly contain my excitement. If you could see my face right now, you would see one happy little girl. My nose is crinkled because the smile on my face is so big. My eyes are somewhat dancing and if I wasn't confined to my little desk I would be dancing around the office to the music in my head.

It's like a childhood dream come true! I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to break out my old pillow case and find that t-shirt that is buried somewhere in the chaos of my childhood but, I must find it in order to make this monumental event perfect....

Oh wait...I forget to tell you what I am so excited about didn't I? Well I had heard rumors for the past month about this much awaited reunion but wasn't going to get too excited until it was abetted.

Well it is now officially official.... NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK are BACK!
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Wow just typing that makes my heart happy:)

I heard an interview with them this morning out in LA where they were rehearsing for their upcoming reunion tour, which has already begun (Atlanta better be one of the stops)! Somehow I went from listening to the guys talking to singing "Hanging Tough" more publicly than I would have liked. The guy driving next to me probably thought I was some kind of idiot but at that point my thought was, who cares! I mean, my boys are back...so "Let's Try It Again" by taking it "Step by Step" because I can definitely be their "Valentine Girl!" haha
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So my question is...Are you as excited as I am?

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Father I coming HOME...back where I BELONG



Come riding on a rushing wind
Blow through our hair and touch our skin
I want to feel You now like I felt You then

Strip away my calloused heart
Set Your arrow hit Your mark
Bring me back to where love starts
Bring me back to where You are

Father I’m running Father I’m coming home
I cannot go on
Your child is running, Father I’m coming home
Back where I belong

I know You’ve heard this all before
When I’m down and crying on the floor
Saying I want You and nothing more

But I’m breaking in my heart tonight
I’ve tried to stand I’ve tried to fight
But I cannot see without Your light
No I cannot breathe without You

When I saw you I was ashamed
You were pure and I was stained
But You ran to me and You called my name
There were tears of joy upon Your face

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

erasing the definition?

The air is somber in my world this week. It seems like the enemy is taking extra measures to attack me and it's left me quite tired and unmotivated to do much of anything. Sadness seems to be the main emotion and my analytical side has emerged causing every strand in my brain to be consumed with worry. The more I try to put specific things out of my head, the more I allow them access to interfere with my days.

I've always wondered why I am unable to compartmentalize things. It seems like in my world, everything is connected...work is connected to money, money is connected to friendships, friendships are connected to the love life, the love life is connected to happiness and with all connections not aligning, instead of happiness, I am left with a sense of brokenness and confusion. Defeated and worrisome would actually be a good words to use!

I always wanted to be one of those people that never stressed about meaningless things but somehow I think I inherited the obsessive worry gene, haha...OK maybe not obsessive but there was definitely a transfer of the worry gene! So let's define that. I'll give you a few definitions to review...

Merriam-Webster Dictionary
WORRY: to feel or experience concern or anxiety OR mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated

Webster's Revised Unabridged Dictionary (1913)
WORRY: To feel or express undue care and anxiety; to manifest disquietude or pain; to be fretful; to chafe; as, the child worries; the horse worries.

WordNet 2.0 Dictionary
WORRY: a source of unhappiness

Chinese Dictionary
WORRY: 七上八下

OK, so I just threw the Chinese one in for kicks and giggles! But as you can see none of those definitions resemble happiness. In fact, they even use the word unhappiness in one of the dictionaries! arghhhh (sounds a lot meanier coming out of my mouth).

I don't want to be one of these definitions! I don't want to be defeated by the enemy! I don't want to be placed in the worrier category! That's not too selfish is it?

Instead I want to think like this...

There is a brokenness
out of which comes the unbroken,
A shatteredness out of which blooms the unshatterable.
There is a sorrow
Beyond all grief which leads to joy
And a fragility
Out of which depth emerges strength.
There is a hollow space
Too vast for words
Through which we pass with each loss,
Out of whose darkness we are sanctified into being.
There is a cry deeper than all sound
Whose serrated edges cut the heart
As we break open
To the place inside which is unbreakable
And whole.

God give me the strength to be unbreakable. Help me to understand that Hope floats . . . and I am Unsinkable!

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”~Jeremiah 29:11

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

aLL jUmbLeD Up!

What does it take to create a good song?

I have been pondering the thought for years on how to take my thoughts and create the very song that sounds great in my head. The problem is it never sounds good on paper or coming out of my mouth. I have all these ideas floating around in my head about love and let down and just life in general but, when I go to put them down on paper all I see is a massive jumble of un-rhyme able words.

I've read several articles on what it takes to write good music...all which have left me frustrated and back at square one. Everyone says to think of a song as singable poetry. But then there is melodic sequence and song arrangement, oh and then you have to figure out what key is best to sing in...Needless to say I am not quite up to par on knowing everything I need to know. All I know is that I love music and I want to be able to put down what I hear in my head on paper, but in a way that people won't laugh.

I'd love to sit down with my guitar and come up with pages upon pages of songs...ones that touch the soul and make the heart tingle. The question though is HOW?

So to all you songwriters out there, can you give me some advice on where to start and how to accomplish turning an array of words and thoughts into something I can call a song?

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Weekend fun

Fun things from the weekend...


Laying out by the pool two days in a row

Hamburgers and hot dogs from the grill

Learning more about Jesus

Rock Band for a few hours

Northpoint with Nikki

Sleeping in on Saturday

Talking to Jen

Repeating the cookout on Sunday

Observing pilates

Hanging out with Cambi

75 degree weather

Watching Anchorman again...


Couldn't have gotten any better!!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Because it's not time yet...

Here are the questions I have repeatedly asked myself today...

Why?
What if?
Is it worth it?
How long do I have to wait?
Why?
Was that expressed differently than last time?
Should I forget it?
Why?
...did I mention why?

Haha...here are the answer I've come up with...

Because it's not time yet!
It would be amazing if it was to come about!
Of course, it is totally worth the wait!
The waiting process helps growth and understanding so I'll wait as long as I have to!
Because it's not time yet!
No, it was expressed the same and I should stop the analyzing!
Nope, you shouldn't forget it because giving up would be mean missing out on so much!
Because it's not time yet!

...Basically it's not time yet, haha!

Ahhh the joys of waiting!

Friday, April 18, 2008

The Love Department!

I just want to take a moment and rejoice! This week has been a week of love and surprises and it makes me want to shout with joy.

Today, I got a call from one of my very best friends, Josh! He, with much excitement spilled the news...He just proposed and she said yes. How exciting is that! I am so thrilled for him and this new journey that he and his lovely bride-to-be, Brandi are about to embark upon.

Several of my friends have gotten engaged this week and I honestly can't wait to see them all dressed up and walking down aisle committing their love to one another in front of all their friends, family and God!

Congratulations are Stephanie and Adam, Bekah and Nolan, Kristen and AJ, and of course Josh and Brandi! May God bless each of you and your new journey together:)


"How beautiful, then, the marriage of two Christians, two who are one in home, one in desire, one in the way of life they follow, one in the religion they practice . . . Nothing divides them either in flesh or in spirit . . . They pray together, they worship together, they fast together; instructing one another, encouraging one another, strengthening one another. Side by side they visit God's church and partake God's banquet, side by side they face difficulties and persecution, share their consolations. They have no secrets from one another; they never shun each other's company; they never bring sorrow to each other's hearts . . . Seeing this Christ rejoices. To such as these He gives His peace. Where there are two together, there also He is present." - Tertullian (second century Christian theologian)

~Thanks for the passage Matt

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Morning's Gold...

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On days when I feel defeated, this little book makes me smile! It called "A Little Book of Cheer" and it was given to my Mom in 1974! The book contains pages of thoughts to brighten the day and every time I open it, it reminds me of my Mom!

Here's a few of the cute words from my little Orange book...

Sometimes when you don't feel so good
Or things don't go just as they should...

It helps to think of cheery things
like a garden alive with butterfly wings...

Or a rainbow's promise after the rain
and morning's gold through your window pane.

:)

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Slate-Colored Clouds

The night sky, looking off the pier this particular morning, was a clear dark blue, with a few bright stars. As it began to reddened toward dawn, a thick quilt of slate-colored clouds moved over a partial section of the sky, leaving only a strip of rose gold. But I am sure the sun will rise even though covered with a quilt.

We assume the sun will always rise. It always has. But it rises because God continues to let it, not because it must in and of itself. I breathe, not because I am a breathing machine, but because He who holds my breath in his hand allows me to breathe.

The will of God is not a given quantity. It is a creative, dynamic, flowing action. Jesus participated in that action by submitting to the Will and moving with power along the "appointed way," according to the "appointed time," choosing the Father's will above his own.

The sun does no choosing. God chooses ~ every morning so far ~ to make it rise. Yet the Lord of the universe asks me to choose to follow Him ~ to participate, as Christ did, in the action which is his will.

Remember that God's Will is much bigger then anything that we may have planned. He chooses to do great things with our lives but only on his time! Be patient and wait in God's beauty. Submit to His will and find all that you have been waiting for.

"Dwell in my love. If you heed my commands, you will dwell in my love, as I have heeded my Father's commands and dwell in His love" ~ John 15:10

Monday, April 14, 2008

You + Me + The World

It's funny how music can rejuvenate your soul and your very being!

In case you missed it, and I believe most of you did, except for the select few that were there with me...Dave Barnes & Andy Davis were at the Loft in downtown Atlanta last night.

It's always great to end a weekend with some soothing guitar and a tickle on the keys, along with great company! I had a blast hanging out with some new friends April, Annie and Holly along with an old friend James...and I do mean old(haha, kidding friend).

If you haven't gotten Dave's new CD yet, I'm not really sure what you're waiting for. So right now, stop what you're doing...I mean it! You in the green shirt, put down the coffee and click here to get this amazing new album.

I promise, it will be worth missing that sip of coffee!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Content

It's amazing how in one day you can feel so complete, like your world is finally lining up but, the next feel so empty inside like everything was falling apart. You just wake up with unclear visions and you try to analyze all the decisions and all the outcomes that have lead up to this point. Most of time, when I get in moods where I feel so disconnected, I basically hide. I hide from the world, the situation and sometimes I try to hide from myself... and hiding from yourself is not easy! I mean, for some reason I keep finding myself (OK bad joke, I know).

Now, I promise I am not bipolar and I'm pretty sure that I don't need counseling but I just have those days where I wish that things were different. I'm sure that everyone has these days where they wish they could change actions, opinions, minds, and for a good portion, hearts. Too bad that love is left up to God so changing hearts is one of those uncontrollable tasks that you should probably just let go of accomplishing... just being honest.

So how do you get out of the rut of not being content because that's what it all boils down to. We want to change things because we're not content with the way things are. We always want something more or something specific that maybe weren't not supposed to have. Why is so hard to be content with what God has already given us?

Example: When I was in high school there was one particular guy that basically held my heart in the palm of his hand. He didn't know it, but I would have done anything for him to call me his girl, haha! I'm sure we all have a story like that unless you were the "one" that everyone wanted... anyway you get the jist of my story. I wasn't content being anyone else's girl...it had to be him! And no matter how great my friends were or how great of a guy I was with, nothing compared to him and I wasn't content.

You see, this can be a vicious cycle. God never meant for us settle in life and so that's not what I'm implying but, God does have a specific plan for each of us and we should be grateful for that. We should be very happy with what we're given not ungrateful for for what he doesn't give us. God gives us the very things that we need and unfortunately He may not give us all the things that we want! There is a big difference... I want to make more money, but I make enough to have the things I need. I want to be married but, I haven't found the guy that God thinks I need. I want to be a rock star and travel around the world in a private jet with all the macaroni-N-cheese I can eat but I don't need any of that to make me happy (totally kidding about this one).

But you get me point! Completeness is found in God and on the days where we feel disconnected, it probably means we need to stop and thank the Father for the things He has provided. So we don't need to hide! We need to be content in God and when that takes place, you'll find that you have everything that you've ever wanted plus more!

Hummm...I think I'll take my advice:)

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Just a touch

Just then a woman who had hemorrhaged for twelve years slipped in from behind and lightly touched his robe. She was thinking to herself, "If I can just put a finger on his robe, I'll get well." Jesus turned—caught her at it. Then he reassured her: "Courage, daughter. You took a risk of faith, and now you're well." The woman was well from then on.
~Matthew 9:20-22(The Message)


Sometimes scripture really captures my attention...and yes I know that all scripture should capture my attention but, sadly some verses I can't quite get into like others. Anyway, I was reading Matthew yesterday and I came across the verse about the woman who was sick and believed that if she could only touch Jesus she would be healed. My first initial thought was WOW! I mean, think about it, how many times in our lives can we say that we truly believed 100% that if we could only touch something, we would be healed? I know that the last time I was sick and laying on the bathroom floor in agony, I pretty much would have done anything to take it away. Now I say that but would I have actually done anything??

Bad example, I know! But just go with it...

I do wonder what I would have done if I lived in the time where Jesus roamed the Earth? Of course I would not have wanted to live in agony for 12 years like the women in the verse but if so, would I have tried with all my might to just touch his garment to be healed or would I have been skeptical and just layed behind without trying?

The woman had so much faith and courage. She truly, 100% believed that God could heal her! You see, In Jesus’ time it was said that blood was life. But blood from a sick person was not life, it was bad blood. People who touched that bad blood were unclean. They were unclean even if they did not mean to touch the blood. They were unclean if they did not know they touched the blood. They were unclean even if they did not remember touching the blood. They were just basically unclean...you get the point!

So, no one came close to any unclean people. No one wanted to touch them or their clothes because if they did, they were made unclean, too. Unclean people had to live alone. They did not go to the temple to worship. They didn't go any place. Unclean people had to wash and they had to make sin offerings. They were not allowed to be with other people until the temple priests said they were clean.

So you see, the woman had to have been afraid. She did not want to say she was bleeding. Not only that, in Jesus’ time a woman did not talk to a man that was not her husband. A woman never, never talked to a priest or a teacher. If she did, it was a sin. People would yell and throw stones. So you can see the risk in her going to Jesus! She was unclean, breaking the law and absolutely terrified. But you know what, that woman was healed. It was not touching Jesus’s clothes that healed her, though. It was the fact that she went to Jesus. Her belief, her faith, her courage...that's what healed her! Jesus saw a women who loved Him so much that she was willing to risk the rules, the ridicule and possibly her life just to be near Him. Amazing!

I hope to have courage like her one day! To believe in just a touch...WOW!


I've touched the hem of Your garments
And I have felt the leading of Your hand
But today, my eyes look much higher to see the face of the great "I am"

So more of You Jesus, more of Your face, more of Your glory in this place
More of You Jesus, more of Your face, more of Your glory in this place
~ Pocket Full of Rocks

Friday, April 11, 2008

Dotted Pillows...

So if you read my facebook last week you should have noticed that I wrote about dotted pillows and pink cupcakes! I explained the pink cupcake story last Tuesday but left you all hanging on why I kept thinking about dotted pillows. Well I finally have picture to show you...
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You see, I have a hard time saying goodbye when I leave North Carolina and my friends after being with them for a few days. I enjoy every moment that I get spend with each of them...even if it's when I'm sleeping!

See, on our drive back to Greensboro last weekend, Kristin and I fell asleep on Joey and our dotted pillows...haha! That's why I keep talking about them.

Yes, the story has no point but it makes me smile:)

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Army of ONE

Today at work, just like every other Thursday, we had Prayer Chapel to pray for the missionaries that are scattered throughout the United States and Canada. First off, let me express how amazing it is to be able to work at a place that allows and encourages prayer everyday. It's such a blessing to be completely surrounded by people who are fully focused on God and making a difference in people's lives.

While I was sitting in chapel listening to the speaker talk about Romans 13..."remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes and put on the shining armor of right living"...I began to think about this concept. What came to mind was the military.

Now all this may be jumbled and a little scatter brained and you're probably wondering what the military has to do with anything but, hopefully I will make some sense throughout this blog.

So the military came to mind and specifically the people in the military. When someone joins the army or marines, they have to go through a change and it's usually a pretty big change. You can tell a significant difference in their actions, their priorities and even the way they dress...the new uniform they wear. I say all this because I want you to get this picture in your head of this solider in his/her uniform fighting a battle..a battle that they believe in with all their heart and mind. Otherwise why would they be there!

OK, now think about joining an army for God. There is always a need for men and women to join God's army. And when I think about all who join this army for God, I think about their actions, their priorities and their new uniform. They put on the armor of God. I kind of picture it as this suit like a knight...all shiny and bulletproof. It protects from what the world will throw at them, the hateful words, the abuse for what they stand for and the ridicule for serving something they can't see. It just bounces off them as they continue to fight for what they believe wholeheartedly. They're hungry..hungry for everyone to be Holy. They are fighting a battle for Holiness.

All of us have heard the song Holiness at least once in our lives and if you've been to camp or worked at camp, you've heard several times. But the words are powerful!

Holiness, Holiness is what I long for
Holiness is what I need
Holiness Holiness is what you want from me

So, take my heart and form it
Take my mind and transform it
Take my will and conform it
To Yours, to Yours, oh, Lord

This is the people in God's army . He takes them, at their wish, and transforms them. He equips them for battle...battle against sin and battle against whatever the devil throws their way. He prepares them with wisdom...wisdom so great and wisdom that can be found at all our fingertips, in the Bible. These people are an army of ONE fighting to save souls and share love.

Are you in the army? Are you hungry to be Holy? Are you ready to put on a new uniform..one so pure and white that it almost seems like nothing could stain it! Put on the armor of God and go out and make a difference!

Be on guard, Be awake, Be certain, Be bold, Be equipped, Be ready, Be Holy, just Be!

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

At Kelli's request!

Here is what my bangs look like...
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Still getting used to them, haha!

~tell me what you think Kelli!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Trying to decide...

So after three months of staring in the mirror and wishing for a haircut, I finally got one! Now as most of you know back in October of last year I got a new sassy cut that was quite short and definitely different than anything I had done before. I basically went int the salon with long hair past my shoulders and came out with hair just below my ears. Drastic! Yes I know...Well I tried something new again.

I got BANGS!

I wish I had photo to post so that you could see the change and tell whether I should embrace the bangs or clip them back. The problem I have is that throughout the day I consistently play with my hair so it never looks like it did when I first left the house. I could spray it with product till it was completely stiff(which I don't use product so lose that thought) but it would still be messy when I got home.

So all this to say, I'm trying to decide whether I can pull off the bangs or if I should just leave that look to Katie Holmes and clip mine back until they're long enough to look normal again...

Monday, April 07, 2008

What's on the menu tonight?

The anticipation is raising for the Monday's Menu evening! Now, I'm not sure if I have mentioned these Monday rendezvous before so let me fill you in on the excitement that takes place each week.

One of the things that I missed so much when I moved to Atlanta was my close knit group of girls. In Nashville I was consistently surrounded by great Godly women who wanted to spend time together growing in God and growing in their friendships. My village group was my support system and it was so comforting to know that there were great friends surrounding me with love. Those ladies will never be replaced in my life because they hold such a firm grasp on my heart but, I needed something here in Atlanta that would fill the void of missing my Tennessee girls. And I believe God answered that prayer...

Monday's Menu is all about good friends, good conversation and GREAT food! Every Monday around 7 PM a few fabulous ladies get together and venture out to find a new restaurant in Atlanta that tickles the taste bubs. We try to go to places that none of us have been to so that we can experience them together. So far it's been unbelievable. We are three weeks in and here's where we've been so far...

Eclipse de Luna
Known for it's incredible tapas, artistic atmosphere and live music. We had an array of food that included Esparragos Asados, Calamares Fritos, Tomato Fresco, Hummus al Lemon, and Quesos Españoles(otherwise known as a cheese plate).

Spoon
Once you walk through our door, you feel like you have stumbled upon the best-kept secret in the city. It's authentic Thai that is absolutely delicious. We all ordered different items and of course tried each others. We had Pad Thai with Shrimp and Chicken, Chicken Satay, Pad Med MaMuang and amazing Thai Tea.

Tonight we're going to Buckhead Italian Market and Bakery! I am so excited at tonight not only for the food but for the great conversation between this great group of women!

If you want to keep up with our tasty adventures visit our blog Monday's Menu

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Blank

Blank thoughts, blank stares, blank feelings...that's all I got! I want so badly to be able to write up some amazing blog or create some unforgettable poem but today my head is clear and my mind is off somewhere taking vacation. It's very unusual for me to not have something to say since writing brings me great joy and helps me to let out all my feelings, concerns, dreams and frustrations. I wish there was something I could tell you or something I could write that would provide something insight or inspiration but all I got is a blank page and me doodling sweet nothings, haha.

Maybe tomorrow will be better:)

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Be:loved

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God trust also in me” John 14:1

What is love? Common question we all have and ponder from day to day. What is love? What does real true genuine love look like? The crucifixion is one of the greatest displays of affection and love that this world has ever witnessed. For God gave his one and only begotten son to die for our sins. WOW! Not only did God love us SO much to send his only son to save us, but Jesus also loved us SO much to take on that burden and suffer in a way that we will never be able to comprehend or understand to its fullest! God’s love is perfect, unfailing, genuine, real and never changing!

In this life, in this world, in our story we have all experienced at some point in our lives betrayal. Love betrayal. Either from parents, family, friends, relationships with people that we thought loved us. We have all experienced this heart wrenching pain that comes with that betrayal. It literally, or at least for me, hurt my heart. That deep aching feeling you get when you think about how maybe you “failed” in that relationship. What could I have done better? What should I have done? And WHY? Why did they do this? Why did they hurt me? Why was it not enough? We have all experienced this hurt at some point in our lives. We lose our trust, we lose our faith, we lose are ability to allow ourselves to think or experience that love again in any which form. We begin to shut down, we begin to loose the amazing things about love. We start to CONTROL! We want predictability and "rules" or a controlled environment because that will make sure that we don't get hurt again.

We start beginning to want to control that past relationship even after it has been done, we continue to and start to control anything else any other sort of relationship that comes our way. Instead of asking all those “why?” questions.. we must try to do as Jesus did as he was making his way to the cross and say “Forgive them, for they know not what they do..” I think that is one thing that is hard for us to do. When hurting, we tend to be the most selfish, we think about why me… and in the midst of it all.. begin to say “I will not allow myself to be hurt again. You will not hurt me again”. We abandon all trust in God and trust in others for simply control.

You can not control love, the more you try to, the more frustrating and annoyed you will become. You will begin to find that you are fighting with yourself, that you are fighting with what YOU think is right.. what YOU think is supposed to be.. what YOU think is the right way… when in all reality.. if you would just let it go and let God … you will find release, peace, relief and happiness and joy. It is both with relationships here in this life, as well as with your relationship with God.

Trust is Love. To trust is to love. We want to control love (with God or with life relationships) because of our past, our past experiences. When you love, you trust…take a second to think about it… when you have a genuine love for someone or feel that genuine love from someone.. you trust them. There isn’t anything you wouldn’t tell them or give them or share. You long to spend time with that person, you long for the next reconnection, you long for those unexpected moments. That is how love works. Have you ever had that moment where God just unexpectedly did something in your life that amazed you?! Love is unexpected. God does things, surprises us all the time… it’s a trait of love. Here is a "commercial" type example.. when there is to be an engagement..typically there is a surprise moment, a moment of unexpected when the man surprises the woman in asking her hand in marriage. She doesn't expect it, it is a surprise! And is that not the moment that everyone longs for? the moment that is a key display of love? Most people love some sort of set rules.. if I do this, than I should receive this, if this person did this, than this other person is going to be the same way, and if they aren’t… there has to be something up with that? If I do this, than God will react this way… etc etc… but guess what.. love has no rules.

Trust is Love.. and Love is trust… the more we Love God.. the more we trust God… He is the author of our story.. He is behind and beyond everything in our life! LET HIM! Do you believe there is an author? Do you believe he is good? If so, than allow him.. allow him to Love on you with that genuine perfect and absolute love and affection for you! Let him lead you and guide you to that love relationship here… you cant control love, the more you do? The more frustrated you will be come and start creating things that are not there… the saying “you can’t help who you love” I think is absolutely true! You can’t… it is uncontrolled and full of unexpected surprises, events, feelings.

Anyway.. so as we remember the loving sacrifice… remember trust God.. love God.. let him love you and don’t control that love… allow yourself to experience genuine love from God and from people! Let God put those people in your life to love on you, for he may be using them to love on you as He does! It wont be perfect because the only perfect love is from God, but he could be trying to show you as perfect of a love for you as humanly possible on earth.

Open your eyes and open your heart to what God has for you and sit back and watch His work, for He IS the great author! Let Go and Let God.

be loved, show love, give love, let love, and accept love.

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Lead Me

Now I know that I have been writing about the wedding for the past three days and I promise I have one more blog coming about our adventures home but, I heard this song last night at 722 and it just spoke to me! So I felt like I needed to write down this lyrics so that we could all take a minute and remember...

Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me,
lead me to the cross
~Hillsong United

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Pink cupcakes...

So a lot of people have been asking what's up with the pink cupcakes comments... I wish that all of you could have been there this weekend so that you would understand but I'll try to fill you in!

You see Mrs. Dawn made the most amazing cupcakes this weekend and they happened to have pink icing...For those of you who don't know Mrs. Dawn and her daughter Carrie, pink is a way of life.. Anyway I grabbed a cupcake on the way out the door for our ride home on Sunday! I suggested that everyone in the car do the same but no one listened. I told them they would regret that decision. And sure enough around Greensboro they did!

But the greatest part of having this cupcake was the sacrifice that I made to have it in the car, well Rannon and I made. You see holding a cupcake for 3 hours to Salisbury and then 3 hours to Atlanta is truly dedication. The cupcake was not in a container or closed up with tin foil. It was exposed and it was a game to see if we could get it all the way home with no crumbles on the floor and for me, get it home without Joey eating it!

Anyway this is the story of my pink cupcake! I wish there was a better ending but basically I ate it as soon as I walked in the door:)

...and it was well worth the travel!