Time!

Have you ever had one of those weeks, or maybe months where you feel deep down in your soul that something is missing? You can't quite put your finger on it but it's something that in midst of laughter touches you or in the middle of tears reminds you. I've had that feeling since about November and I think it has finally revealed itself to me.

Time!

I know that's a weird answer but it's the truth. The thing that has been missing for the past three months is time. Time to rest. Time to catch up. Time to call my dear friends and hear all about their lives. Time to sleep in. Time to enjoy my surroundings. Time to be with God. Time. Time. Time.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day who told me I needed to slow down. She said that I never just had time for myself because I was dedicating it all to events, emails, gatherings and basically everything else. She's right. My response shocked her and it shocked me too, to finally hear it coming out of my mouth. My response was...

I keep myself busy so that I don't have time to think about all the things that scare me. I'm 26...single and still battling with finances. I'm scared I'll never get married. Scared that I will never be able to fully support a family. Scared that if I take myself out the circle, my friends wont even notice I'm not there. Basically I'm scared to slow down in the fear that I will realize that I'm not the social norm, haha.

It was a pretty long answer but since that day I've had to think, a lot. I've had time to rest, reflect and to be with God and the great thing is I don't think I have anything to be scared of. I have a great job with wonderful people and a salary that may not allow me a mansion, but allows me food, shelter and the freedom to do the things that I love.

I have some wonderful friends that take care of me and show me that life is about laughing and loving. They are there when I need someone to talk to. They are there when I need someone to cry to. And the best part is they're there...even the ones that live hundreds of miles away.(Thanks Kristen)

I have the greatest family who has stood beside me through all my choices, all my moves and all my struggles. They love me unconditionally no matter how much money I make, how many relationships fail and how much time goes by. My dad once told me,"I am proud of you because you are you!" My mom once said, "That's what I'm here for. To help you and to love you!" They are so great.

And the number reason I shouldn't be scared is because I have a God that is bigger than all my circumstances, all my 'so-called' failures and all my struggles. He has big plans for me and needs some time alone with me so he can reveal them!

So, I don't really do New Years resolutions and the fact that it's almost February means I would be a month late making one anyway, but here is my goal for 2009...

Spend more time in silence, listening for the whispers of God. Spend more time loving on my family, my friends and my work mates. Spend more time on me...resting, reflecting and relaxing!

I like this goal :)