Emotional

Have you ever gone to church and been completely wrapped up in a thought that you can't remember anything that came out of the pastor's mouth? The pastor is trying to give you all sorts of amazing insight and all you can think about is that one thing that has been on your mind for days??? Huh? Have you?

If you have then you know exactly how my church experience went tonight.

My mind was and is consumed! It seems to be filled with a bunch of 'whys' followed by enough analyzing to write a book. Hmmmm, I wonder what I would call it...Oh I know! It would be titled "What always happens in the life of Shannon White." Pretty catchy huh?

But seriously, I've had something on my mind for weeks now and it seems like everyday I think about it more. Today it became emotional...first time I've cried in a while and I can't explain why the tears fell, but it was a moment when my thoughts and my heart came together but they didn't match. There I was, trying so hard to focus on Andy's sermon, wanting to absorb every sentence that he spoke but instead all I could think about was...well I'll keep that to myself for now!

I want it to stop but how do you tell your mind to let it go. That's a hard thing to do especially when your heart wants to hold for dear life. Somehow I just don't think that tears should be a part of everyday life. I mean sometimes they're good but sometimes it hurts to cry. It hurts to be sad and confused. I don't want to be any of that!

Bottom line...I have to let it go! I have to take this distraction, this thing that keeps messing with me and somehow figure out a way to explain to my heart that it will better off without it!