Diagnose

Have you ever tried to sit down and describe your feelings?

Like you're real life daily emotions...Not all the gushy, lovely dovey, angry, pissed off at the world ones but the ones that might consume you on a regular basis. The ones you don't quite fully understand? The ones that leave you sitting at your desk staring at the computer in hopes that Google can help diagnose why you feel the way you do?

I've never tried to fully define what I'm feeling. Most of the time I make excuses about why I feel a certain way or I cover it up by telling the world I'm fine. It's a coping mechanism that I've used for years and it always seems to make people think I have it together and I am just a naturally happy individual. Today I publicly state... THAT'S NOT THE CASE. I have some serious chaos going on inside and my fear is that one day it's all gonna come bursting out and my words will not be very pleasant.

Contradiction has caused me to doubt almost everything that comes out of my mouth. I would love to be completely confident in myself and my words but somewhere along the way I made myself believe that I can't or I'm not good/skilled enough.

I talked to a few people about these feelings and they mainly all say the same thing... 'You have absolutely no reason to feel this way!' I so wish I could...I want to be able to change these feelings overnight. Wipe my mind clean from the memories of feeling this way. How do I do that? Ugh...

Viewable

My blog reached 20,000 views today!

That's a lot of people reading about my life :)

Thanks readers and I promise I will write more in the days to come!

My new red obsession...

Blog world meet my new obsession...

<--------- My red Ripstik! Yep, that's right... I am 28 years old and I'm obsessed with a Ripstik and all my friends are becoming obsessed too. Call me a skater chic if you want because I will break out some Vans skate shoes and a hoodie if I need to :) But seriously, this board is so fun and is a challenge in itself. I think that's why everyone is starting to become addicted. It's fun, cool and provides you with a leg and core workout. Oh and if you Ripstik in the 90 degree whether, you are sure to lose a few inches. Nothing says fun like skating in the park in the middle of summer's heat. OK my promotional speech is over! I do think you need to go buy one though. If anything just for the coolness factor :)

I should have played with Lincoln Logs

What do I want to be when I grow up?

Hmmm good question! When I was 10, I wanted to be a veterinarian. When I was 16 I wanted to be a famous singer. When I was 22 I wanted to work in a corner office in Times Square in New York City. When I was 25 I wanted to be an event planner that planned festivals, concerts and tours for the Christian market. Today... when I think about it so many thoughts come to mind, but nothing that screams "This is My Life Goal!"

I feel like some people are born knowing exactly what they want to do. It's like the doctor wrote it on their name tag at birth or they just naturally grab a toy, like a Lincoln Logs and immediately they knew 'I'm going to be an Architect or a Construction Worker!' Do you think that really happens? If so i must have played with the wrong toys with I was little. Either that or I played with too many... the variety mixed up my train of thought, ha!

So here I am, 28 with several great skills sets but no real direction in where my skill sets fit. I should write up my own application! It would read something like this....

Seeking:

Job where my desk is stationary but my work is not. My creativity reaches no bounds and my thoughts are not limited to 'the way we've always done it.' My work skills will include organization, details under my control, large venues with multiple requirements needed and a team under me that will not get in my way, but do what needs to happen when things need to get done. Music and Entertainment must be a primary factor. Salary will be enough for me to acquire my OWN place and will allow left-overs for whatever I choose. Travel will be involved but only when the personal schedule allows. Haha... yep I'm a dreamer!

So anyone hiring?

Goal: Figure out what my life long career goal is!
Due Date: One week from today!

Savannah = Memorial Day fun

Question: Hey Guys & Gals, What should we do for Memorial Day this year?

Response: SAVANNAH!

So, that's what we did! We pack up three cars with outfits for the weekend, towels for the beach, sunscreen galore, softball gloves for catch and high hopes for an awesome weekend with no rain! Well, we definitely got the weekend we hoped for :)

Savannah is one of those cities that just makes you feel good the second you drive beneath the willow trees and beside the historic buildings. It's a beautiful city enriched with history and now memories. Without going in to a day-by-day, hour-by-hour blog session of our trip, here are a few highlights:

The weekend was shared by 5 lovely ladies and 4 handsome fellows...

Kay, Me, Bree, Julie and Melani...

along with Wil, Kenny, Kevin and James!

We took multiple trips to Tybee Island for beach time, ocean time and food time...

The ladies catching some rays on the beach

Kevin and I... with not enough sunscreen on.

Wil, Kevin and I catching some yummy food at the Crab Shack

WOW! Wish that plate was in front of me right now!

Our nights were spent down by the river on River Street, known for the night life, street performers and cobble stone streets...which are a hazard for people in sandals not paying attention to where they are walking. I stumped my toe soooo bad :(


We did some climbing...

some yacht admiring...

and some star glazing, I think :)

It was a great trip!

Let's plan another one, NOW.

My 28th Birthday

I have figured out that birthdays are my favorite! Not because it's a day all about you, you get lots of gifts and there's more cake than you know what to do with ... well maybe that has a little something to with it ... but in all seriousness, it's because it's the one day out of the year that I truly feel like people care ... even if it's all part of an act. Now, don't misread what I'm saying, I do feel loved and cared for every other day of the year because I have some of the greatest parents and friends any girl could ask for but on birthdays, people tend to show the love a lot more.

So this past Wednesday I celebrated my 28th year of life! I realized three things ... I am rapidly getting older, my bones and muscles now hurt daily and I have a lot of things to accomplish. So I decided I would set some REAL goals for my 28th year :) Here there are a few in no particular order...

1. Learn to let go and to embrace each day without worry or concern.
2. Love more!
   
3. Become more financially stable, meaning a higher paying job or a promotion.
4. Have more fun! This is a BIG one.
5. Write more letters reminding people that I love them and I care about them dearly!

Now, I do have a few more but in all honesty, I don't need to list them all. They're my goals and some need to remain somewhat private! But if you ask me in person, I'll share. I'm not hiding them.

Now besides making goals on my birthday, I had a love and cupcake filled day :) 28 cupcakes to be exact... I counted them up in my head today! On top of the cupcakes, my lovely roomies surprised me with a Coldstone Cookie Dough Ice cream cake. Oh and let's not forget the 108 Happy Birthday Facebook comments. So amazing! But one of the sweetest things came from one of the best friends a girl could ask for, my friend Kristen. Read for yourself... Birthday Wishes. So sweet :)

Now before I show you some pictures from my special day, let me tell you a sweet story.

Have you ever had a GiGi's Cupcake? If you haven't you may not fully appreciate this story but let me try and explain. GiGi's cupcakes are my favorite! I had them when I lived in Nashville, TN and I was sad when I moved because I had to move away from them since they are only located there. Oh so delicious!

Well Wednesday mid-morning, I got a text from Kevin that said "can you do me a favor?" My response, "of course!" His response, " come outside!" Now I was under the impression that he was at work but as I stepped off the elevator and looked outside there he was! I was so shocked :)

Kevin then pulled out the BIGGEST balloon I've ever seen that said Happy Birthday on it as well as a birthday princess crown! I have ALWAYS wanted a birthday princess crown!! Then he pulled a green box from his car and as he sat it down I saw that the top said GiGi's cupcakes! Oh my goodness, I had never been so excited about cupcakes in my life. He opened the box and this is what I saw...



In my head I'm like, "Did you drive to Nashville this morning" so I asked. He began to tell me that he called the Nashville store three days earlier and asked them to shipped cupcakes to me. He explained that they were my favorite but the lady there told him that shipping was not an option. He semi-begged, telling her that they were my favorite and he had to get them here for my birthday. She asked where he was located and when said Atlanta her response made his day. She said,"We just opened a store in Dunwoody 6 weeks ago on Hammond Drive." That's right down the street from my house :) After that news, he planned it all out to have cupcakes for me on my special day! And they we're extremely yummy. Ahhh, he is AMAZING :) I do love that boy!

After the surprise of my favorite treat and guy showing up at my office, my parents decided to send a little surprise of their own...

Aren't they gorgeous?!

I was in complete awe of them... they're so big and beautiful and they have been making my room smell delicious for the past 4 days! Thanks Mama and Daddy!

There were many more surprises that day! I felt so loved by so many. I love birthdays!

Can't wait for my half birthday in November :)

Oh and I'll tell you about my birthday weekend in my next post!!

Streets of Gold

It's amazing the beauty you will see when you are driving along :)

'I want you to know
I’m leaving to let you go
And someday we’ll walk upon
The streets of gold'

Speaking out with no restrictions

Disclaimer: If you read things and automatically think the person is automatically talking about you, don't read this. I don't feel like dealing with that!

So here I am... wide awake... with random thoughts running through my head causing that little something inside of you that let's you sleep, malfunction. I keep thinking about all the frustration, the heartache, the let downs and all the things I should have said. Moments that have passed by where I should have spoken up but instead I kept quiet, let someone else have the last word or just gave up because the fight wasn't worth it.

I write many blogs about how I need to change and how I need to work on this and that in my life in order to be happier, but this blog is going to be a little different. Why? Because I'm not going to dwell on what I need to change. I'm going to dwell on the fact that things need to change around me...myself included of course but not the prime target.

I went home this past weekend for Trina Love's wedding... a classic mixture of high school faces and college party goers. The perfect combination of the friends I cherish the most. There was no drama, no gossip talk, no hiding behind a mask trying to be someone I'm not. It was a weekend where I realized just how much I miss the life I used to have, the friends I used to run with and the drama free area I used to reside in.

I blame no one and I'm not pointing any fingers, I just have serious issues with the way life is lead here in the ATL. I love the BIG city, don't get me wrong. I heart my social scene, my romantic scene and my work scene, but sometimes I feel that I'm trapped in a world where tiptoeing around certain people is a must, hiding your true feelings is a part of fitting in and shutting your mouth is how you avoid conflict. Honestly, it's like being in middle school all over again...just with taller people, who can drive and can pay for things without Mommy and Daddy's permission...but quit possibly a little more childish.

Is that wrong to say? Maybe... and I may offend someone by writing this but what people must understand is that I am venting and I choose this outlet to let my rants flow. Deal with it!

I do feel trapped in a middle school drama game with no doors to open in order to let me out. I feel a little claustrophobic from words surrounding me that I can't seem to speak freely. I feel lost and honestly a little alone...and I hate feeling this way!

Now I will probably wake up tomorrow and regret writing this blog all together but tonight here's what I have to say...

Stop being consumed with yourself! Wake up and look around at all the things you're missing out on because you can't seem to enjoy today because you're too focused on tomorrow. Quit talking about everyone that does something that you don't agree with. Gossip causes nothing but friction. Stop focusing on all that's bad and open your eyes to everything that is good around you. Why worry when you could live. Who cares how they are living their life, focus on your own. You are not perfect so stop trying to pretend you are while making every else seem mediocre. Think before you speak. Smile every now and then... the mad/sad/upset face is getting old. Learn to butt out and just be happy dealing with your issues/life...not everyone else's stuff. (said all in a yelling voice inside my head)

OK I'm done! Venting session over. Feel free to pick it a part.

Box of Wishes

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, Hoping for... more music opportunities, longer vacations, a night free of thinking, a date night out somewhere fancy, volleyball games played with friends, an upgraded position at work, more energy during the day, more sleep during the night, a star filled night sky and a soft blanket to lay under it, better music on the radio, less back aches, a life outside the box... and my little box of wishes keeps going on and on!

Do You Smell Something Burning?

Have you ever been in the weirdest day dream ever and thought to yourself, 'how can all this craziness fit into one scenario?' Well last night that happened to me only it wasn't a day dream, it was the reality known as Erica, Misty and Ashley's apartment!

I went over to Erica's around 7:00 PM yesterday for my routine haircut appointment. You know, nothing to crazy just a chestnut brown touch up, butterscotch peekaboos and more angle in the front, more bevel in the back. Simple stuff really! haha. Anyway, last night was more than a trip to the apartment salon!

Upon arrival, Erica, Ashley and Jason (a friend of the girls) were there debating, discussing and craving Chinese food. Discussion lasted about 30 minutes which ended with delivery of Pad Thai Chicken, The Family and some kind of spicy chicken with rice. All delicious! and all followed with fortune cookies. Ten to be exact. My fortune...less than mediocre! So there were 4 of us to start the night out.

OK moving on ... Misty came home around 8:00 PM with a guitar player named Dwayne. They were going to rehearse a song with Ashley and Erica for the 500 Songs for Kids Album. By this point, my chestnut brown color has set and we've moved on to the butterscotch peekaboos so I have foil in all areas of my hair. Keep in mind, we're now up to 6 people in the apartment including me!

Here's were it gets good. The girls had noticed a burning smell in the apartment while we were all sitting around. There seemed to be a little haze filling the room and the burning plastic smell initiated a room search for the culprit. Nothing was found but the worry had set in! Since there's not a fire department number listed, Misty and Jason decided it was best to call 911. Fifteen minutes later, while the girls were rehearsing and I was letting the foils set, there was a knock on the door! Yep, you guess it ... FIREMEN!

There were only 2 at first, one chief and one fully suited man squandering through looking for this smell Misty had describe over the phone. While they were in the Erica's room checking for fire, another knock hit the door ... 3 more fully suited firemen entered the apartment. That makes 5! Those 3 split up, 2 went to Misty's bedroom to investigate and the other joined the first two in Erica and Ashley's bedroom. Then, one more knock occurred bringing 2 more, one fireman and one fire lady! Oh did I mention I still have foil in my hair?

That now makes 3 roommates, 2 Musicians, 5 Firemen, 1 Fire Lady, 1 Fire Chief and me ... getting my hair done! Twelve, count 'em, TWELVE people witnessed my hair transformation. And after the embarrassment wore off, I realized what a great story it would make, haha!

The result: No Fire! Just a faulty AC fan that needs to be fixed. The Gables Maintenance man came to check it out while Erica rinsed the color from my hair. So I guess he would make the 13th person to witness my hair transformation. WOW! What a crazy night.

Oh and in cause you don't believe me, here's the proof...

Firemen everywhere!

9 Deadly Words

Not sure if you can read these, but Kevin found these online today and they make me laugh because of how true they are :)

I never realized how complicated we can be!

Maybe we should print out this list and present it at the beginning of a relationship... kind of like a warning... 'Look, this is what you're getting yourself in to!" or "Here's how to understand my language!"

Hahahaha... That would be awesome!

Do any of these describe your thought process?

I think I'm falling in love with New York

New York at Sunrise

When with her clouds the early dawn illumes
Our doubtful streets, wistful they grow and mild
As if a sleeping soul grew happy and smiled,
The whole dark city radiantly blooms.
Pale spires lift their hands above the glooms
Like a resurrection, delicately wild,
And flushed with slumber like a little child,
Under a mist, shines forth the innocent Tombs.
Thus have I seen it from a casement high.
As unsubstantial as a dream it grows.
Is this Manhattan , virginal and shy,
That in a cloud so rapturously glows?
Ethereal, frail, and like an opening rose,
I see my city with an enlightened eye.

~ Anna Hempstead Branch

The Green Poof

So I have been terrible at writing on my blog lately. My lack of thoughtful posts is a combination of a super busy schedule, a lack of hilarious/intriguing stories to tell and just plain laziness... a lot of the latter one!

But alas, this week has sparked some funny things to tell you, some new adventures to reveal and sweet moments that are now written on my heart. Since I'm horrible at keeping you updated, I'm going to split these moments up into a few posts...that way you have something fun to read a few days in a row instead of all at once!

First story to tell you about happened two days ago when a kitchen conversation lead to 4 girls laughing hysterically around the kitchen counter. I'll let Michelle tell you all about this one...

"So, funny story.

I am now living with three girls. One of which, I share a bathroom with. All is great. Expect, we have a problem. We have a mysterious green lufa in our presence.

Shannon and I have been cohabiting our bathroom for close to a month. Since that time, there have been two lufas AKA poofs hanging in our shower. One blue, one green. Shannon had bought the blue one. She assumed the green one was mine. I had not purchased either one, and assumed that one belonged to her and the other to her man friend, Kevin. On with life we go.

Well, my roommates and I were standing in our kitchen last night catching up when Shannon casually mentions and apologizes that her man friend might have accidentally used my (green) poof. She started laughing as she recounts the story of Kevin telling her that he thought he had used hers, and the icky facial expression that he had once she told him that he was incorrect about the poof ownership. Well, imagine my goofy look when I tell her that the green one was not mine. I explain that I had actually just purchased a purple lufa. I’m pretty sure there were tears involved as all four of us laughed and tried to figure out where the poof came from and how disturbing it was that Kevin used a strangers cleaning apparatus.

Where did this mysterious lufa come from??

Honestly, the whole thing is a kind of creepy and a little weird. The exact owner and origin of said lufa is still up in the air. All I know is that when I got up this morning and walked into the bathroom, I found this:

Welcome to the joys of roommate-hood. And if you happen to find yourself missing a poof, we know where it is. Feel free to come retrieve it from out of the trash can. Be ready to explain yourself."

Read more of Michelle's Blog at Moments Worth Mentoring

Back tomorrow with another story :)

Easter 2010

You know what I love about Easter... I mean besides the fact that it's the day that we celebrate the event that changed everything...

I love Easter because it's one of those weekends that brings friends together, the church service is always packed(meaning more people that are hearing the message and more people could be getting saved), the weather always seems a little warmer and there are stores full of Cadbury cream eggs :)

Although I didn't get one this year, I still love those chocolaty cream eggs! YUMM

This year was a little different than the years past. I normally spend Easter in Nashville... well for the past three years I had, but this year I decided to spend Easter right here, in Atlanta. I definitely enjoyed it.

Good Friday brought a relaxing, sunny boat ride on Lake Lanier with Kevin, Stephen and Heather... good times, sunny weather, great company and a day off of work! Who could ask for more than that?!

Saturday was spent making homemade peanut butter eggs (which were to die for) and spending time up at the MacKay household watching movies, relaxing on the deck and playing Mancala. Actually, it was more like 'getting schooled in Mancala by a 6-year-old!'

Sunday was all about church. Upstreet in the morning... getting to sing and dance around with several 2nd and 3rd graders will make any Easter bright. Easter lunch at Michelle's parent's house then back to church for an awesome sermon given by Andy Stanley! After service and a fun dinner at Twisted Taco, we ventured to the house and sat in the sun room to reflect on the awesome weekend. I would describe it as perfect.

I truly enjoyed myself and my Easter weekend!

What was your favorite part of your Easter holiday?

Pineberry

The pineberry could be the world's newest oldest most least tart sweet pineapple that's a strawberry. Or it could just a good day to berry old news ...

Is it a strawberry? Is it a pineapple? Is it a conspiracy?

I don't care what it is... I WANT ONE!

Moving Moving Moving

Definitely not my favorite thing to do but it has definitely become part of my yearly routine, haha!

Saturday began the transition from OPT in ITP... if your not from Atlanta that means 'Outside the Perimeter' and 'Inside the Perimeter' (a little ATL useful lingo for ya). While driving over with my third car load on Saturday evening, I said to myself...WHY do I keep doing this, haha? The whole collecting boxes, and newspapering up plates and washing everything because it touched the inside of my car... it's miserable! And not to mention, this time I have re-paint my room before I move out or they'll charge me like $600, ugh! I hate painting...with a passion!

While I know I sound quite annoyed with this whole process, there are some pros to my move.

1. I get to live with 3 of my close friends
2. Cambi gets a yard and a whole neighborhood to walk around in, instead of a small patch of AstroTurf to pee on.
3. We're living in a HOUSE (not an apartment) with an awesome sun room and deck!
4. We have a garage and I get a permanent parking spot in it :)
5. Since I signed up for a half marathon and I having to actually start running, there are trails and 3 people to make me go run on them... 4 if you count my sweet, accountable boyfriend.
6. Four girls living together means more food to snack on, haha
7. We're getting cable again and it's cheap cause there's 4 of us to pay for it! Ahhhh, HGTV I've missed you
8. The yard is on a slope which means possible slip and slide parties!
9. There is no stupid gate or gate code or idiots that don't understand how to use a gate or a gate code
10. And number 10, there is now an option of barbecuing in my backyard. Oh the possibilities!

So as you can see, there are pros and cons to this decision! Right now the cons are killing me but soon the pros will take over and I will be loving my new place of residence!

Quarter life

Happy Birthday to my BABY brother... who is not a baby anymore :)

How does it feel to be old bub? The big 25...

Quarter life crisis? I think so, haha

Overview

OK I've got some time so I decided I would write an update blog because A LOT has happened since my February post...

• Started a new study with my Small Group ladies that's amazing. It's called Discovery and I am truly discovering a lot about myself and my relationship with God.
• Finally got my Groupon Mani/Pedi with Michelle. My toes are baby pink if you were wondering :)
  
• Attended my first Community Leader Orientation and it was so beneficial. Learning how to grow as a leader is always necessary
• Took Kevin on his first Chow Baby experience! It was a success. If you've never been you need to drive to Atlanta and experience it first hand. Chow Baby
• Met with my mentor and received some really encouraging words on my singing.
• Celebrated 6 months with my amazing boyfriend
• Experienced my first Ikea date... along with Swedish meatballs.
• Oh and I'm moving...Just a mile down the road but into an awesome house.

OK that's my quick overview for today... more to come soon :)

Updates

I need to write and update and I promise that within the next week I will do just that :)

Busy Busy Busy....

But I got a new Blackberry so that makes me happy :)

more to come soon!

Go Bees! Buzzzzz

My Valentine's present?!

Tickets to the UNC/Georgie Tech basketball game! How freaking awesome is that?

Except for the whole UNC losing and looking like a terrible high school team. Granted, both teams played like it was their very first college basketball game ever, but instead of giving facts and stats, I'm going to write my blog on how awesome Georgia Tech is.

Let me start by saying, this game was the Tar Heels' lowest-scoring game of Roy Williams' seven seasons as coach and definitely dropped North Carolina closer to the bottom of the Atlantic Coast Conference standings. Ouch, that hurts!

But let's not focus on the Heels! Let's focus on the incredible Yellow Jackets.

I will start by commending the jackets for their outstanding sub rotation and their unbelievable coaching staff. Paul Hewitt, head coach definitely has a way with his team and a way of pleasing the fans with his press play calls and his strategic rotation with his players. He must like to keep the players guessing and the fans yelling.

Now for some stats...

Georgia Tech (18-8, 6-6 Atlantic Coast Conference) ended a two-game losing streak and completed its first regular-season sweep of the Tar Heels since 1995-96. The Yellow Jackets are 5-1 at home, but 1-5 on the road in ACC games. Wow, the Jackets are definitely on their way to the top! I see an ACC win in their future ... lots of bee flags waving that Black and Gold.

After attending the game, it's safe to say that Georgia Tech is my new favorite team! Go bees :)