Journal time

Never knew it would amount to anything:

Here I am, in a place where my dreams could only lead me. I look at this new land and see everything that my heart has always dreamed of. For years I wanted the change in my life. I had longed to see new places, new faces and be overwhelmed with new experiences. God has granted those wishes and for some reason I lay here in disappointment because my perfect world is missing something. My heart has a missing piece. It's like putting together a puzzle, but losing the main piece that makes it beautiful. That one piece that completes the sky or the stars. You have to know which one I am talking about! God has painted a perfect place and I can't appreciate it. It makes tears swell up in my eyes. It makes my heart hurt and it causes this sick feeling the pit of my stomach. One that could only come from loving something and not having it.
This piece is so magnificent in my eyes. It once made me feel so alive, like I could fly without wings. It enhanced the colors my life. The music in my head became the music in my heart. I knew that God had planned it. He looked at all my hopes and thoughts and placed this perfect piece in my life. Everything about it was what I had prayed for. He had blessed me with everything and for a few moments I was truly happy.
I sit here now looking back and grieving but how could I be so ungrateful. He gave me something so precious that I worshiped it and became lost in it, forgetting why I truly had it. God gave it to me because he knew what would make me happy. He saw the way I felt when the warm breeze blew across my face and how the stars flew from one point to another. He knew that my heart was happy and I never thanked Him. Instead I took my blessing and ran. I ran away from my Maker and made Him second. How could I be so shallow to take my gift and not thank God everyday for it. Instead I took it and sat it on a pedestal. It was mine and nothing else compared.
Now I sit here without that piece to my life and I dwell on not having it when I should dwell on thanking God for having it, if only for a moment. So God I thank you for giving me such a indescribable gift. One that will remain in my heart and in my dreams forever. If I never find that perfect piece again, I know that it is because you will replace my whole puzzle one day with a new picture to put together. And this one I will never place before you!

But maybe it will:)