Speaking out with no restrictions

Disclaimer: If you read things and automatically think the person is automatically talking about you, don't read this. I don't feel like dealing with that!

So here I am... wide awake... with random thoughts running through my head causing that little something inside of you that let's you sleep, malfunction. I keep thinking about all the frustration, the heartache, the let downs and all the things I should have said. Moments that have passed by where I should have spoken up but instead I kept quiet, let someone else have the last word or just gave up because the fight wasn't worth it.

I write many blogs about how I need to change and how I need to work on this and that in my life in order to be happier, but this blog is going to be a little different. Why? Because I'm not going to dwell on what I need to change. I'm going to dwell on the fact that things need to change around me...myself included of course but not the prime target.

I went home this past weekend for Trina Love's wedding... a classic mixture of high school faces and college party goers. The perfect combination of the friends I cherish the most. There was no drama, no gossip talk, no hiding behind a mask trying to be someone I'm not. It was a weekend where I realized just how much I miss the life I used to have, the friends I used to run with and the drama free area I used to reside in.

I blame no one and I'm not pointing any fingers, I just have serious issues with the way life is lead here in the ATL. I love the BIG city, don't get me wrong. I heart my social scene, my romantic scene and my work scene, but sometimes I feel that I'm trapped in a world where tiptoeing around certain people is a must, hiding your true feelings is a part of fitting in and shutting your mouth is how you avoid conflict. Honestly, it's like being in middle school all over again...just with taller people, who can drive and can pay for things without Mommy and Daddy's permission...but quit possibly a little more childish.

Is that wrong to say? Maybe... and I may offend someone by writing this but what people must understand is that I am venting and I choose this outlet to let my rants flow. Deal with it!

I do feel trapped in a middle school drama game with no doors to open in order to let me out. I feel a little claustrophobic from words surrounding me that I can't seem to speak freely. I feel lost and honestly a little alone...and I hate feeling this way!

Now I will probably wake up tomorrow and regret writing this blog all together but tonight here's what I have to say...

Stop being consumed with yourself! Wake up and look around at all the things you're missing out on because you can't seem to enjoy today because you're too focused on tomorrow. Quit talking about everyone that does something that you don't agree with. Gossip causes nothing but friction. Stop focusing on all that's bad and open your eyes to everything that is good around you. Why worry when you could live. Who cares how they are living their life, focus on your own. You are not perfect so stop trying to pretend you are while making every else seem mediocre. Think before you speak. Smile every now and then... the mad/sad/upset face is getting old. Learn to butt out and just be happy dealing with your issues/life...not everyone else's stuff. (said all in a yelling voice inside my head)

OK I'm done! Venting session over. Feel free to pick it a part.